I need Help

And please hurry while you’re at it!

Recently I developed a penchant for deep fried foods. Any sort of deep fried golden crispy greatness.  I dip everything I can lay my paws on in a batter and dump them in a cauldron of bubbling canola oil. The sticky glutinous sweet cakes (Nian Gao) and bananas above were the victims of my food forage yesterday.

Coincidently fried Nian Gao is also a childhood comfort food for me. Mum used to sandwich the Nian Gao with sweet potatoes before frying the sweet gooey stuff. She would put the just fried sweet cakes on a kitchen towel to drain off the excess oil before transferring them onto a platter. But somehow only a small percentage of the fried cakes made it to the platter. Most of them had gotten straight into my mouth and then into my quickly expanding mid-section. And I always wonder why I was such a chubby kid!

As you can see from the above behavioral pattern, patience is not exactly my biggest strengths. Hence I usually make the simplest, fastest batter:
1 cup self raising flour, 1 egg, and enough water to thicken the batter.

As a general consistency baseline, the batter should have the texture of a smooth oatmeal porridge. Not too thin, and not too thick (as if that helps!). If the batter does not coat and simply runs off, then it’s too thin. If you hold the dipped item into the batter and it does not drip in 2 seconds, it’s too thick. Got it? No? Good. Cause you’re better off without clotting your arteries.

But if you must, and is like me in the must-eat-that-deepfried-yummilicious-piece-or-you’ll-wither-and-die way, then go ahead and indulge, with a few pointers to note:

1.    Use clean vegetable based oil, and do not reuse that oil.
2.    Keep oil moderately hot without burning it. If you see fumes, then its too hot.
3.    Take food out of the oil when it’s just turning golden. Do not cook till it’s brown and burnt. Remember foods continue to cook minutes after being taken out of the heat.
4.    Make sure the food, the utensils and your hands are dry when putting in the to-be-fried stuff. You don’t want any parts of your face or body to look like the Grand Canyon. Trust me. Not. Pretty.
5.    Wait till the food has cooled down before gobbling it. I know that’s a tough one. Just try ok?
6.    Work off the oil and guilt. Go walk the dogs for an hour, run, cycle, play tennis, swim, frolick with your partner in bed, whatever works for you!

Remember, moderation is the key to a good diet.

Unless you’re a total compulsive nutcase of a freak like me.

Then forget I said anything and go bury yourself in those chips.

With love,
The worst diet advisor in existence

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